


Pranks of Epic Proportions

by thatdamnuchiha



Series: Prank Wars [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, De-Aged Haruno Sakura, De-Aged Uchiha Sasuke, De-Aged Uzumaki Naruto, Dimension Travel, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Founders Era, Founding of Konoha, Gen, Good Uchiha Madara, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, Mokuton, Mokuton User Haruno Sakura, One Shot, Prank Wars, Pranks, Pre-Canon, Pure Utter Crack, Red-Haired Uzumaki Naruto, Senju!Sakura, Squirrels, Technically..., Time Travel, Trees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdamnuchiha/pseuds/thatdamnuchiha
Summary: “This has the handprints of an Uzumaki,” Tobirama declared over their breakfast, sipping at his morning coffee. “Only one of their number would think it hilarious to grow a tree through someone’s house.”
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: Prank Wars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550791
Comments: 15
Kudos: 1001
Collections: Foxy fox 🦊, Of Fluff and Crack, Rhyne's Chakra Coils





	Pranks of Epic Proportions

**Author's Note:**

> The second part of this little series of one shots I have planned - a sequel to 'A Guidebook for the Interdimensional Traveller'.

It started with a tree grown _through_ their house.

Tobirama had woken up at the crack of dawn, as he usually did, and nudged his husband awake with a gentle, if somewhat pointy elbow. Yawning, he got himself dressed, pulling Madara’s clothes out and throwing them at him. Dimly he wondered if Madara was using a new soap for his clothing, glad he wasn’t allergic to nuts as he caught the delectable scent. Opening the door, he had walked out and into something cold, rough, and rather hard. Blinking sleepily, he stepped back, taking a few moments to register the fact there was a tree in front of the way he was trying to leave the room. Yawning, he peered again, confirming that he was indeed standing in front of the door, not the window, and that _yes,_ there was a very thick, very solid tree trunk blocking off the doorway.

“HASHIRAMA!”

His brother stuck his head through the window as if on command. “Morning, Tobi!” he called cheerfully enough to make Tobirama want to punch him in his perfectly straight nose. “I see you have a new decoration in the house. One of your experiments?”

“I’m not the one who can grow trees!” Tobirama hissed, and Madara groaned from the bed. “Why the hell did you grow a tree through our house, you _imbecilic halfwit_?”

“I didn’t…” Hashirama said, the blank look on his face making Tobirama blink for a few moments. _Because Hashirama couldn’t lie – not convincingly to him, seeing as he’d already memorised all of his tells, none of which were showing in that instant._

Tobirama’s eyebrow twitched. “What?”

“I really didn’t Tobi!”

“Shut up, I know,” he hissed, relaxing slightly when Madara wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m currently trying to narrow down the list of people who—” his words faltered, and he remembered red, black, and pink. “Hmm…”

“What is it Tobi?”

Tobirama glared. “Don’t you have some paperwork to be attending to?”

“I can always make time for you—”

Tobirama kicked him off the windowsill. “Do your work, you moron!” he ordered, slamming the window shut, fuming as he resumed his glaring at the tree.

“You don’t think this is the work of those kids last night, do you?” Madara asked, leaning over his shoulder, resting his head there as he snuggled into his back. “They wouldn’t have the manpower, or the brains, or the mokuton to pull this off… would they?”

Tobirama folded his arms, glaring at the tree. “But this most certainly _wasn’t_ an accident.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Madara remarked, kicking at the edge of the doorframe until it gave way, making a small gap through which they could skirt around the tree that had ruined their house. _Tobirama was only thankful they were out of the winter season, otherwise it would’ve been a wet, miserable morning._ As it was, it was a somewhat alright one – if one ignored the gigantic tree that seemed to be sprouting from their house.

“This has the handprints of an Uzumaki,” Tobirama declared over their breakfast, sipping at his morning sugarless coffee. _It was Madara who had the gigantic sweet tooth out of the pair of them, though Tobirama made him wait until after lunch before he allowed him to open the jar. A hyperactive Madara was not needed until then, if ever._ “Only one of their number would think it hilarious to grow a tree through someone’s house. But Mito is above such tomfoolery…”

Madara paused, deep in thought as he took another bite. “One of those brats was a redhead.”

“But his chakra was nothing like an Uzumaki’s…”

One eyebrow rose. “Couldn’t a seal take care of that?”

Tobirama paused, setting his coffee back down. “Are you insinuating that I was outwitted by an Uzumaki _child_ last night?”

“No, of course—. Wait, actually, probably, yes,” Madara mumbled, and Tobirama took a long sip of his coffee, polishing the remnants of it off. “Given they were discussing dimension travel, don’t you think it might be a possibility, a certainty?”

“You mean if it wasn’t a childish delusion?”

Madara smirked wryly. “Aren’t you the one who always says never to write things off as fiction unless it’s been disproved by fact?”

Pausing, Tobirama blinked a few times, silence falling for a few moments, only interrupted by the sounds of them eating their breakfast. “Well, that’s certainly something to consider, I suppose…”

“It was totally them – you heard them. They said the person they wanted to take revenge on was married to pre-Nidaime-sama, and your brother is Shodaime-sama. Given our relations to him and our strengths, it’s likely one of us they were talking about,” Madara declared, eyes narrowed dangerously. “You heard them plotting to prank, and now there’s a tree in our house. Coincidence? I think not!”

“Well, we can’t leap to conclusions,” Tobirama said, running a hand through his silky white locks. “We’ll just have to monitor the tree of—”

“I think you mean three, dear,” Madara said.

Tobirama dropped his head into his hands.

“And don’t worry, I have plenty of free time on my hands _to deal with those three little brats who think they can prank us and get away with it…”_ Madara grinned like a madman, and Tobirama felt a sliver of pity for the children as they finished their meal together.

After breakfast they were both off, heading out into the sun, blinking as Hashirama almost mowed them over the second they were out of the door, tears leaking out of his eyes as he hurried up to his brother. “Tobi, someone set the squirrels loose from the Forest of Death!”

“Which ones? The carnivorous ones or the nut-crazy ones?”

“The second variety thankfully,” he said, staring pleadingly at his brother with the eyes Tobirama couldn’t say no to. “Could you help me round them up please?”

“Well those squirrels are attracted to a particular sweet-smelling nut—”

“Tobi,” Madara whispered, tugging on his sleeve.

“In a minute,” he said, staring at Hashirama who was looking to the side, as if ignoring him. “First you need to gather some of that particular variety and lay an unobstructed trail back to the forest. It’s rather simple really. The hard part will be finding all of them—”

“Tobirama!” Madara hissed.

Scowling, he turned. “What?”

He raised a finger. “I think we’ve found them,” he said, pointing at the furry wall of squirrels practically charging towards them.

Tobirama blinked at the sight. “That’s strange… why are they being attracted over here… unless…” He took a deep breath through his nose, eyes widening as they landed on his husband. “Quick! Take off your clothes!”

“WHAT?” Madara screeched.

“Just do…” Tobirama trailed off, eyes widening as the wall of fluff descended upon his husband, his warning coming too late to help, girlish shrieks sounding from the newly formed pile of moving squirrels along with the sounds of tearing cloth.

“NOT THERE, UGH—GET YOUR DAMNED FUR OUT OF MY MOUTH—YOU DAMNED BEASTS!”

His hands were already moving, a wall of water surrounding him in seconds, surging forwards, sweeping the pesky squirrels away, leaving his waterlogged husband standing there, covered in squirrel droppings and scratch marks. A single hand clutched the remaining pieces of his now sodden clothing in front of his crotch, a bright pink blush blooming across his cheeks as he shut his mouth, grinding his teeth audibly before he stomped back inside their thankfully squirrel-free house without another word.

Tobirama hurried in after him, ignoring Hashirama’s pleas to stay and help, but not forgetting to send a glare towards the three suspicious still squirrels sitting on a nearby fence watching the drama with beady black eyes.

He found Madara a while later, relatively clean and freshly dressed, sitting at the table, newly made cup of tea set out on a coaster in front of him. The air around him was deathly still, and Tobirama took a seat opposite him.

“Are you alright?”

Madara took a deep breath, taking a calming sip of his tea, spurting it out of his mouth seconds later. “Ugh,” he hissed, pawing at his tongue. “Who replaced the sugar with the salt?!”

“Not me—”

“Oh,” Madara muttered, setting his cup down with an audible _clink_. “Oh I see…” he hissed, slamming both his hands down on the table, hair bristling as he spoke, a manic, slightly unhinged grin creeping onto his face. “Well then… _This. Means. War.”_


End file.
